Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
