i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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