Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do vagina's smell?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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