We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
