My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
