Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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