I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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