John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
