how can u be prego again
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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