my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
