Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
