I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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