she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
