i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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