what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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