FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
