Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
