i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she looked like the before picture.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
