Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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