Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
