Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
