We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
