perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize