i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
