weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
