You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
