the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
