i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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