i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
