Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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