How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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