Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she told me i tasted like america
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
