It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think my moral compass just broke
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