He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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