Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
