Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
