dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
