Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
