it hurts more in the daytime
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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