I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
