why didn't you poke me back
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
did i just pee glitter
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
