then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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