Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
