What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize