the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
