Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
