just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
