yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
