This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
