FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A bitchslap is in order.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
