I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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