Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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