oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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