4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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