Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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