I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
