Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize