You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
