Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
