I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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