Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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