You just made me feel so damn special
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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