Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
