Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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