p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
