She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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