just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
