I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
