I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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