Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
