is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
