Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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