I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
