The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
