Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
did i just pee glitter
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize