fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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