True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She announced her abortion via fbk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize