gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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