ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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