In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize