Your face is a jimmy john
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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