Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
