sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
