No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
