don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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