grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize