so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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