How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
